And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
