it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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