Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
