i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize