my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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