I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
