i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
