So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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