Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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