she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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