Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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