I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
