He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
