weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize