it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
