apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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