i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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