She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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