So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
