your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
