I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
