So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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