fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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