If that was your dad, he is hot
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
