I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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