Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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