Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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