Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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