u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Semen is not good for contacts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
