my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
