Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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