i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
