What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
