my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
