I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
