this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh god it's open bar.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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