Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
