I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize