I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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