I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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