all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
