She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you never un-have a 4some
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
