The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize