dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
