I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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