so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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