Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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