i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
