Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
