he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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