Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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