i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
