even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
