I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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