I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize