i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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