THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
