I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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