I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
