what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
