could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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