party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize