Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
