I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
