Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I smell stomach acid.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Still dying that you shit outside
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
