I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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