She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
