You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just invented taco cereal.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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