I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
