white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
