Betty ford says i'm here all night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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