i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
