i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
